Self-control

No. No. No. No. Let’s – no.

What is its job after all? What’s the point of my present NO? Greater good? Because this present YES appear to know what it’s doing, and that NO for the sake of future credit seems so irrelevant. Do I have to say NO? And if not, why I am saying NO after all?

What is self-control really? I recently read that the only thing we can control in our life is – ourselves. Not weather. No our work. Not others. Just ourselves. And then there is the question why? Because you know the phrases: enjoy the moment, you only live once, screw tomorrow and so on. And I think I told life to go to hell too many times that I have to stop and wonder why.

All right. I get it. I have that discipline – workout regularly and you’ll get abs. Honestly, it’s not abs at all (although they are not bad to own). It’s the head that simply feels good after a certain physical effort. That made me enjoy the pain with a military discipline. And it’s not pain exactly. Probably there is a certain amount of dopamine that has the chemical reaction to blah, blah whatever (if you know what it is, please don’t bother explaining – I get it). Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So how do you know exactly when to say NO?

Eating ice cream when you’re overweight? No. No. But everybody’s eating it. Have one, why you’re being such a pussy and other tricks. But no (and here is where NO just converted to YES). At least, I don’t know how to say NO to an ice-cream (that’s why I exercise I guess). Because it seems like that YES determines the level of enjoyment (sweet sin).

And what or who determines enjoyment? Is the belly full of wasps the reason that makes us want to “fall for it”? That one cigarette, one more glass, rolling dice, and even adultery? Do we pay with our head for those small sparks of instant happiness? And what are those temptations like? Is temptation – enjoyment? What exactly is a certain balance of what we may or may not do? 10 cigarettes? 5? Taking a week off from exercising? Stopping at just flirting?

For the sake of self-control it’s always necessary to have a specific purpose or a goal (eg. lose weight by summer). In doing so, it is good to have a plan and a strategy for self-control (eg. sweets are out and you exercise 3 times a week). And then we come to the swallowing of temporary unpleasantness that leads to higher goals instead of settling down for current reward. And there it is – that second when you break to say NO and keep saying NO for the next few minutes – that one second determines your self-control. That hour while sweat pours down you and you wonder why the hell you needed all this in your life, determines the level of your commitment. Discipline. Demolition of established habits. Only… I do not know if I learned how important it is. I don’t know will I ever learn. Do long-term plans have an impact on me at all. Does this mean that I’m immature? Or just means that I have to practice self-control my entire life?

Promises. First thing on Mondays. Tomorrow. Just this once. I will never do it again. And for me, the most difficult moment – to find the reason to say NO. The reason to refuse that damn, creamy, delicious ice cream that melts in your mouth.

It seems that self-control is choice of emotion then. Yeah, I’m gonna feel good while doing exercises because I know that it’s good for me. I’ll be proud because I turned down that delicious treat. Because when I look back after all that, I’ll see how my NO was worth it. I may not see it immediately, but it doesn’t mean that I won’t. Self-control is the perspective. Recognizing the perspective while you still absolutely don’t feel anything other than pain.

And that’s the point I guess. What looks like pain or causes immediate frustration due to the inability to act, is only a temporary obstacle on a road to better tomorrow. I need to say NO because of tomorrow. To make tomorrow better. So tomorrow would be 100 times nicer than if I immediately said YES. Because the enjoyment is better after 100 days of not eating ice cream. Because the reward is higher after sacrifice. After establishing control over ourselves. After knowing that we finally have power over something. Over our NO and our YES. Over the decisions that will mark us tomorrow too.

That’s why today instead of why not – let me say NO. Ice cream will be delicious tomorrow too. And if there’s no ice-cream, I missed it out for myself. The only person I need to respect in life.