What are you doing what are you doing what are you doing

Are you thinking about me?

No

And that’s normal

And you shouldn’t

You’re far away

From everything

From me

You’re far away

You are so far away

From you

From everything

You left

Somewhere else

I should let you go

You don’t want to go

I don’t want to go either

From you

I do not want to go

Anywhere

I would sleep with you forever

In that messy room of yours

I would kiss you forever

And let you bug me in the morning

Filming you as you dance

And I need to let you go

I can not

I can not do anything anymore, trust me

I’m half without you

I’m not whole anymore

I’m nothing anymore

Because you’re not here

You are standing next to me

But you’re not here

You’re far away

And I don’t know how to reach you

I succeed at times

And then you smile at me in the way, the most beautiful way, the most tender way, in the way as you see me and I really stand in front of you

But then you leave

You leave right away

You sail away

You get lost

You’re somewhere

Far away

Far away

I’m silent all day today

I’m silent

I do not think

And you are in my mind

I do not speak

And you are on my lips

I’m not functioning

And you are in my heart

You will not return

Never again, to me

To smile at me and hug me and tell me

Honey bunny

as you use to say

And I need to let it all go

To leave

To go away

Where to go

Where am I going

Who will make me laugh

Who will calm me down

Who will love me

Who

How can I leave you

How I would love for you to look at me

How very much

To hug me

And not let me go after 5 minutes

To never let me go again

Like you let me go now

You leave

And you let be me alone

Alone

And you don’t care anymore

Does anyone approach me

What others tell me

You don’t care about anything

You left me

And you are standing next to me

And I need to let you go

How can I let you go

With what can I let you go

When my heart is with you

I say things

And I know they bother you

I feel like I bother you sometimes

And I don’t like that

I feel like I’m bothering someone

I can’t be calm

Patience often betrays me

I’m trying

I’m making mistakes

And I don’t want to be wrong with you

I don’t know how to fix it

I spin in a circle and dig myself a hole

I’m afraid to admit that I love you

I mix feelings

I prove myself unnecessarily

I’m making up ways not to think about you

I make up people not to think of you

And I fail

Everyone is less important

Everyone is less fun

Everyone is less you than you

I’m less with everyone than I am with you

I need to let you go

I see that

I need to crush myself to pieces and gather myself

I need to break everything I feel

I throw as if it is unnecessary

And irrelevant

Somewhere far away to discard it all

And to pretend I don’t care

That I am indifferent

My whole life I pretend

That I’m smart

Pretty

to know things

that I don’t care

that I’m good

And no, it’s all a mask, I’m under it, the one who is boring and grumpy and likes to be alone and can’t behave

I’m under it

Who loves you no matter what

Who can’t say no

Who doesn’t care what you do wrong and who adores you even when you are everything you shouldn’t be

Who loves you immensely

Who always needs you

Who always miss you

Who would give birth to your children no matter what you say

Who might change her last name

Who is not complete

Who is only half

Who is whole because she loves you

And now she needs to leave you

And be

Nothing

To be nothing

Parts bits glass pieces

Throw away feelings

Dropped

All discarded

Today without you

Tomorrow without you

A mosaic to be assembled from me eventually

To let you go…

I can’t let you go, I didn’t get that part with the instructions for you, no one has explained that part yet as it should… why… and how… and why on earth why…

To leave everything I got with you…

Where does it say that?

On the Internet? In the newspapers? Who can tell me that?

Although, that’s what your look tells me when you look through me, your lips when they kiss through me…

that’s what you say when you’re standing next to me and you’re not there

when you don’t beg me to hold you, a little more, just a little bit more little more little to hold you next to me, just a little give me just a little please to sleep next to your lips, to wake up next to you, just a little more please…

to hug you, to feel you, to make you smile at me, just a little more when I could get, when I could never let you go…

I will never let you go…

Never…

Never

I can’t let you go…

Can you forgive me?

Can I forgive myself if I never let you go?

Author

If you're too tired to go out tonight, just think how you'll feel at seventy two!

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