What are you doing what are you doing what are you doing
Are you thinking about me?
No
And that’s normal
And you shouldn’t
You’re far away
From everything
From me
You’re far away
You are so far away
From you
From everything
You left
Somewhere else
I should let you go
You don’t want to go
I don’t want to go either
From you
I do not want to go
Anywhere
I would sleep with you forever
In that messy room of yours
I would kiss you forever
And let you bug me in the morning
Filming you as you dance
And I need to let you go
I can not
I can not do anything anymore, trust me
I’m half without you
I’m not whole anymore
I’m nothing anymore
Because you’re not here
You are standing next to me
But you’re not here
You’re far away
And I don’t know how to reach you
I succeed at times
And then you smile at me in the way, the most beautiful way, the most tender way, in the way as you see me and I really stand in front of you
But then you leave
You leave right away
You sail away
You get lost
You’re somewhere
Far away
Far away
I’m silent all day today
I’m silent
I do not think
And you are in my mind
I do not speak
And you are on my lips
I’m not functioning
And you are in my heart
You will not return
Never again, to me
To smile at me and hug me and tell me
Honey bunny
as you use to say
And I need to let it all go
To leave
To go away
Where to go
Where am I going
Who will make me laugh
Who will calm me down
Who will love me
Who
How can I leave you
How I would love for you to look at me
How very much
To hug me
And not let me go after 5 minutes
To never let me go again
Like you let me go now
You leave
And you let be me alone
Alone
And you don’t care anymore
Does anyone approach me
What others tell me
You don’t care about anything
You left me
And you are standing next to me
And I need to let you go
How can I let you go
With what can I let you go
When my heart is with you
I say things
And I know they bother you
I feel like I bother you sometimes
And I don’t like that
I feel like I’m bothering someone
I can’t be calm
Patience often betrays me
I’m trying
I’m making mistakes
And I don’t want to be wrong with you
I don’t know how to fix it
I spin in a circle and dig myself a hole
I’m afraid to admit that I love you
I mix feelings
I prove myself unnecessarily
I’m making up ways not to think about you
I make up people not to think of you
And I fail
Everyone is less important
Everyone is less fun
Everyone is less you than you
I’m less with everyone than I am with you
I need to let you go
I see that
I need to crush myself to pieces and gather myself
I need to break everything I feel
I throw as if it is unnecessary
And irrelevant
Somewhere far away to discard it all
And to pretend I don’t care
That I am indifferent
My whole life I pretend
That I’m smart
Pretty
to know things
that I don’t care
that I’m good
And no, it’s all a mask, I’m under it, the one who is boring and grumpy and likes to be alone and can’t behave
I’m under it
Who loves you no matter what
Who can’t say no
Who doesn’t care what you do wrong and who adores you even when you are everything you shouldn’t be
Who loves you immensely
Who always needs you
Who always miss you
Who would give birth to your children no matter what you say
Who might change her last name
Who is not complete
Who is only half
Who is whole because she loves you
And now she needs to leave you
And be
Nothing
To be nothing
Parts bits glass pieces
Throw away feelings
Dropped
All discarded
Today without you
Tomorrow without you
A mosaic to be assembled from me eventually
To let you go…
I can’t let you go, I didn’t get that part with the instructions for you, no one has explained that part yet as it should… why… and how… and why on earth why…
To leave everything I got with you…
Where does it say that?
On the Internet? In the newspapers? Who can tell me that?
Although, that’s what your look tells me when you look through me, your lips when they kiss through me…
that’s what you say when you’re standing next to me and you’re not there
when you don’t beg me to hold you, a little more, just a little bit more little more little to hold you next to me, just a little give me just a little please to sleep next to your lips, to wake up next to you, just a little more please…
to hug you, to feel you, to make you smile at me, just a little more when I could get, when I could never let you go…
I will never let you go…
Never…
Never
I can’t let you go…
Can you forgive me?
Can I forgive myself if I never let you go?
